


Finding Our Way

by msbittersweet



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Happy Ending, Light Angst, Multi, POV Second Person, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:09:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msbittersweet/pseuds/msbittersweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s complicated, you think. Take one wrong turn, try to fit the wrong piece, and it all goes crumbling down. <br/>This fragile thing between James and Logan and Kendall and you.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Our Way

It’s complicated, you think. No, that’s putting it way too nicely. A fucking mess is what it is.

Like a maze or a puzzle, and you’ve never been very good with either one of them. Take one wrong turn, try to fit the wrong piece, and it all goes crumbling down. This fragile thing between James and Logan and Kendall and you.

You don’t want it to be like this but you don’t want it to stop, because if _it_ stops, you all do. You just want to _change_ it, make it better. Easier.

You want to be able to touch James without Kendall feeling betrayed, you want Logan not to look away when he sees Kendall watching, you want James not to feel horrible about staring at Logan when you’re staring at him and Logan is staring at you and Kendall is staring at James. It’s a mess.

You want to love _all_ of them, period.

You need ideas, good ideas. And you can’t look for Kendall’s help with this one. Only you can do this. Only you can fix this.

-

So you borrow Logan’s computer, because the Internet has shown to be a good friend to you. But there’s a tab already open when you turn the laptop on, and you shake your head at Logan, because he should know better, should know that there’s absolutely no privacy between all of you. You click on the tab with no second thought.

You don’t understand at first, what the hell is polygamy? Polyamory? You scroll down, and you try to read it but after a while you decide this website is too smart for you, too many long words are involved. So you resort to Yahoo Answers and you start reading and you’re shocked that something like this exists, that something like this works (and you can’t help but strap on your helmet and bounce around, because _this is perfect_ ).

You’re not surprised that Logan found it first. Of course Logan would try, too. Of course he’d do the research but not actually go through with the experiment. Logan enjoys science and the facts that come with it, Logan enjoys theories that have already been named laws, Logan _doesn’t_ enjoy the thought of a hypothesis being wrong enough to ruin the whole project.

You smile fondly, excitement quickly bubbling inside you. This can work, this makes perfect sense, you’ll _make_ this work.

- 

You approach James first. You always do when it comes to things like these, risky, dangerous stuff. But you still need to go about this carefully, because this isn’t cannonballing into the pool from the fourth floor.

It’s a Tuesday, and it’s only you and James in the living room. You only have a couple of minutes before someone joins you so you have to work fast.

You climb on top of James, startle him and lean in for a dry kiss. James laughs lazily and tells you to not to tease him. You smile and kiss him again, it’s wet and slow this time. You feel James grip our hips and you shiver because those are James’s big hands on you and you’re about to tell him to consider a foursome with his two other best friends.

James sighs against your lips.

You grind down on James and you only now realize that you’re approach has always been to use James’s desire against him. It sounds mean, but the most passionate thing about James is his want, and if you convince him that he wants this then you’re one step closer.

You lean in and you keep up your rhythm as you start to whisper in his ear. You whisper things you never thought you’d say, things that make you blush even as they leave your lips, things that make you shudder along with James.

You whisper into the shell of his ear.

You whisper about how sensitive Logan’s ears are, about how he’d be moaning right now if he was James. You mention how big Logan’s arms have been getting, how fit his ass looks in his favorite jeans. You describe Logan’s pink and plumb lips, his long eyelashes and back dimples. You tell James to imagine it, imagine having Logan underneath him, writhing and whining, biting his lips and closing his eyes. His breath hitching every time you touch him, legs parting for you. You tell him to imagine how he’d taste and how he’d sound.

James gasps and you unzip his jeans, quickly taking him in your hand.

Now you whisper about Kendall. Kendall and his green eyes and smirk. You whisper about his long legs and big hands. About how he never lets anyone near his neck and maybe it’s as sensitive as Logan’s ears. You tell him about Kendall and his passion, his fire, and you say to James to imagine that in bed. Imagine how dominant Kendall would be, holding you down and giving you everything. How he’d touch you everywhere, long fingers skimming down your body, making you shiver and whimper.

James whines at you, tells you to stop. You take a deep breath, move to rest you lips on his neck, ignore your own driving need and continue.

You tell him to think about it. About them, together, naked and sliding and grinding. Think off all the sounds they’d be making. But it could get better, so much better. You tell James to think about you and him, about how good you two feel, and about how much better you’d all feel together. The four of you.

You move faster, because James is close and you’re getting frenzied.

All of us, you say, together. Think about three sets of hands and lips touching you, think about touching three bodies, sleek with sweat. You tell him to think about you and Logan and Kendall and James.

You feel your hand get wet and you stop, breathing harshly and unconsciously twitching on James’s lap.

James opens his eyes, and you watch the bliss drain from him and shock and worry replace it. Because he just came to you talking about having sex with your two best friends.

So you’re quick to assure him. You lay your forehead on his and try to steady your breathing, try to stop your twitching hips. James tightens his hands on your waist and starts to breathe faster, panicking. But you shush him, and lay a chaste kiss on his parted lips, you smile at him and you tell him that you love him.

You cup his face in your hands and say that you also love Logan and Kendall. You wait a second, wait for it to sink in and James to react.

You see the pain and the conflict in his eyes and your heart aches to smooth it over, make it disappear. You tell him that it doesn’t have to be a problem, that it’s okay to love all three of them, okay for them to love you back.

James doesn’t understand, and you try not to slip up in the pronunciation when you mention polyamory.

-

Next up is Logan.

He couldn’t have been the first one even if he _was_ the one with the idea in the first place. Logan would’ve been too unsure and hesitant to ever do something like this, even if he _had_ already read up on it, even thought about it before you. And he couldn’t be the last one, because too much pressure and Logan always cracks.

You have to do this alone, only you and Logan. If James is there, Logan will get defensive and deny and back out too quickly. You need to lay this down to him in the only way that Logan will listen. With big words and scientific facts and all that other crap.

So when the time comes you do you your best which, sadly, turns out to be a pretty shitty attempt. You sit Logan down and stand in front of him with your fanciest sweater and clip on tie. Your sweaty hands made the ink on your note cards smear so you end up having to guess half of the numbers on the statistics of happy and successful polyamorous relationships and you probably mess up a lot of those complicated words you jotted down to impress Logan. You ramble on and on and do not look at Logan until you’re finished talking, because that would have just made you stumble even more.

In the end, Logan stays quiet for so long you’re half-convinced you’ve hallucinated the whole thing. But then he starts laughing, laughing so hard and long his face turns red and the veins in his neck stand out and you are about to get a glass of water because it looks like he’ll start choking any minute now.

When Logan finally calms down and looks at you with his crooked smile, shiny brown eyes and chin dimple you know it’s a definite yes from his part. And Logan looks so beautiful in that moment, you decide to seal the deal with a kiss.

You feel your lips touch his and your hands wrap around his waist and his hands grip your shoulders and you feel so grounded in that moment, so strong and confident.

Two down, one more to go.

-

You leave Kendall for last.

By now you’ve let yourself get your hopes up, you know you shouldn’t (Kendall could always say no, he could always say _no_ ) but you’ve never been any good at keeping your emotions in check anyways.

You’ve known since the beginning that, for Kendall, you would need James and Logan there with you. It’s always been difficult to predict Kendall’s reactions, it’s always when you’re so _sure_ of something that Kendall decides to do the opposite. You really hope this isn’t one of those times.

Kendall’s always been good at reading situations so he immediately tenses up as you and James and Logan finish trickling into the room. You all stand there, in front of Kendall, with your backs straight and your chests puffed up. You admit, it was a little bit ridiculous.

You stay there for several moments, complete quiet except for the faint music from Kendall’s earphones. Logan is the first to breathe, slumping down and moving to sit next to Kendall. He starts talking, almost whispering, about his feeling for Kendall, about his feeling for James and Carlos and the kisses they’ve shared and how he knows, he _knows_ , that Kendall feels the same thing.

You and James stand there, watching how Logan murmurs at Kendall and how Kendall keeps tensing up and blushing and getting this _look_ in his eyes. You’re not sure what that look means and it scares you.

James goes next, stepping closer and almost begging Kendall to just imagine it. The four of you, together, no cheating, no lying, no guilt. And wouldn’t that just be perfect, Kendall? Wouldn’t it? Don’t you want it, too?

Kendall won’t ease down, he won’t look at any of you and you’re starting to panic a little. Panic makes you do stupid things, and that’s really why you push forward and grip Kendall’s face and smash your lips together. You hear James let out a gasp behind you, and you feel Logan scoot closer, but that’s all second to the way Kendall tries snap his head back. You don’t let him though, you hold on and you mold your lips to his.

Kendall needs to realize, you need to make him _see_.

Slowly and so uncertainly, Kendall relaxes minutely in your hold. And it’s only then that you realize James has sat down next to him, that Logan is still whispering to Kendall, and that Kendall has one hand gripping each of them.

You want to do so much more, you want to take this so much further, but this wasn’t the point and you’ll have plenty of time and opportunities to entertain that thought. So you force yourself to separate from Kendall. He has his eyes closed and his lips still pursed, with each hand on James and Logan’s thighs. It kind of makes you want to giggle.

Kendall blinks and when he comes to himself he almost startles all over again. You can’t help but grin when you see him blushing, quickly retrieving his hands and tucking them under his legs, as if to stop them from reaching out again. You look and find that both James and Logan are smiling, too. Kendall sighs deeply and slumps into himself, shaking his head and dimpling up. He turns to look at you with those green eyes of his and you’re a little bit embarrassed but you know your eyes must be watery.

You felt your heart seize up, and it was the most you’ve ever felt in your life.

-

It took a while and a lot of effort. There some pretty nasty trips and a lot of stumbles.

But you’re Kendall, Logan, James and Carlos. And when it’s you four it’s perfect.


End file.
